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Friday, October 19, 2007

Not very well

I'm just upset, that is it.

Like I've said to Iffa and Ben(not Ben Seow though), that the time left to really work hard and get back my fitness is zero. The time is up, countdown has reached zero hour, zero minutes and zero seconds. POL-ITE is already here. By then, when I have regained back my fitness, POL-ITE will already be done and dusted with and I will be back to attending 3 day classes, doing up FYP2 and maybe back to club trainings if I were to go, while waiting for next season. By then, I am only 3 months and a few weeks perhaps, away from getting done with Republic Poly and venturing out of RP perhaps, to find a job that matches my interest, apart from kicking soccer. By then, I am already done with POL-ITE and there will be no more representing Republic Poly in POL-ITE in the next 2 years and so on and so forth, forever. This is the last year and also this is my FIRST and LAST POL-ITE for Republic Poly's female soccer team. I want to play as much as I can, but without fitness, that is not going to happen in my last year of Poly.

1 month of resting, 1 month of no soccer. 1 month of no agility training, 1 month of no field training. To be back on the field after 1 month, feels good to be feeling refreshed and rejuvenated but on the bad side, it feels new to have to approach that soccer ball once again. It feels as though I've just entered the world of soccer training. I felt like an apprentice. I felt like it was my first ever time, stepping onto that field. Every kick of the ball, was bad. Every passing, was weak. Every step of run, was weak. The fitness that I used to have, was all gone. Easily tired? Yes. Physically weak however not mentally weak.

The time remaining was so tight and I will honestly say that I couldn't grapple with it. I knew that there was only this much time left and that I had to maximize that time left, do the best I could. I tried and tried but yet the fitness do not show. Easily tired? Yes, once again. After a short burst of runnings, I bend over, starring on the grounds, exhausted. Just minutes into the training, that was who I was and till now? Maybe. I'm still in that boundary of exhaustion and am half way through there. But like I've said, by then when I am fully fit, POL-ITE is over. Time waits for no man.

It's 12:44am as I am typing right now and I'm not yet asleep until I'm done with this entry. My eyes are giving abit of a pain as they blink in every split second. I've been crying, stop crying, crying and now I've stopped crying but that doesn't mean I'm happy. I've cried till no more tears are left. I'm very very tired and I can't help feeling helpless and useless. I sit there, keeping positive by hoping and hoping and yes, that is the only thing I can do, which is to hope and hope and hope and nothing more and that's the way of the world! All you have are your 5 senses and 4 limbs but what can you do? Hope. Put your 2 hands together and then look to the sky or shut your eyes tight and then hope for it to happen. Sad isn't it. Imagine those homeless people who sit by the street side, doing that action of hope everyday for 3 years, hoping someone'd come over and put a roof over their heads and nothing happens.

I have only so much to say right now and I don't know anymore. Give me a punching bag and I'll punch my knuckles bare till the next morning.

Anyway, thanks Carol, Mel and Sham, if you are reading this. You know why. Thanks Farrah for giving that short speech to the team in the dressing room, I appreciate that, though it wasn't in perfect English.

12:19 AM