I've been trying and I did. But at times, I try too hard and fail. Time and again, I panick, get frustrated and my mental strength is lost, immediately.

I always visualize and always look at how I'm going to take training. I always think of how am I going to take it in my stride, how am I going to receive this training. I try to take whatever being shouted at me, those nasty critics in my stride. Just forget and move on. But being the person that I am, I hate it when mistakes are being made too often. Then, your team mates start yelling all sorts of things at you. It's usual in a game where 20 people are fighting for that one ball. Everyone wants that ball, everyone wants to have and to hold that ball, everyone wants to perform a skill that would not only make the opponent like a fool, but also wow the crowd. Not everyone is able to do it.

During down times and periods, the soccer ball is best friends with my 2 feet, my head and my pair of arms. I do what I can, do what I like. But when it gets translated onto the field, it's all a whole different game plan.

It's not what I visualize it to be and many a times, this frustrates me a whole lot as a soccer player. I hate how it also affects me mentally and physically. I get tired, I get down and the next thing is i'm on the ground, hoping that a sound to signal the end of training would soon be heard.

I hate it when I get too tired when I start to bend over and look on the ground as though there's something more interesting than the ongoing game. I've been running, been training and still, this is the result? It's so tough to be competing with 20 other players, but that is how it is. You have to fight for your place, show your worth and work hard.

This period has been a period of ups and downs and I wouldn't hide the fact that I've lost in some down periods and fought in those tough periods. I made the effort to try.

I'm just starting to worry because I feel that there's just so much more to climb to reach the peak. I'm really worried and I get tired of being in this state.

I really don't know how. I pray for better, I pray that God would grant me Strength and Courage. I pray to be more determined, less discouraged.

With this, I hope that I'll be better in time.

Goodnight.

Always be prepared,
Marj


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